Cooking for Men – The Meatza!


The strength and fitness game is full of all kinds of arguments and controversy. Olympic lifting versus Powerlifting. Running versus Strength Training. High-carbs versus Atkins. Vegans versus Everyone Else.

So much controversy.

There is, however, one thing that pretty much everyone can agree on:

If you want to reach your physique goals, you’d better be eating like it’s your job.

Since I love to cook (that’s right, ladies… all of my amazing qualities and I cook) and try out new meals I was on the prowl for something that would be manly and yet would satisfy my weekend hunger.

The problem?

I’m in a bit of a contest with some buddies and as such have to stick to my diet.

Also, since I’m a guy and I cook like one, there are a few criteria that a potential recipe needs to meet in order to be considered as a Cooking for Men recipe:

1. As I said above, it has to support me in getting bigger, stronger, and faster.

2. It has to have relatively easy-to-acquire ingredients. I like unusual foods as much as the next guy, or maybe even more so, but I’m not going to run my big ass all over town to get them. That’s what restaurants are for. If I’m cooking something on a regular basis, I need to be able to find the ingredients with minimal hassle.

3. It’s got to be something that brings the thunder. Sure, I can eat a broiled chicken breast and broccoli, but then this blog would suck and so would I. I’m not into that.

The solution?

The Meatza!

Low carb, primal-friendly, and… It’s a freaking pizza with a crust made of MEAT!

*****Note to all of you out there who are about to get mouthy about the paleo/primal thing. In general, I think that there are definitely worse ways for someone to get lean, strong, and healthy. Can arguments be made against it? Sure, but you’re missing the point: It’s a PIZZA made out of MEAT!*****

I’m going to give you a quick photo recap of the adventure, and then post my tweaks to the recipe below.

Assemble your ingredients...

Season and prep the crust...

While the crust cooks, prep the veggies...

Add the veggies and leaves...

Meat added! Ready to cook!


Ok, the recipe above is pretty simple and awesome. Here’s where I did it differently:

First of all, I needed a bigger Meatza (who doesn’t?) so I used three pounds of ground beef as my crust. Everything else was adjusted accordingly.

On the second go around I’d flavor the crust a little more. I might add like ten dashes of worcestershire sauce to the mix, for example. Or if you were going to do a barbeque chicken version then you could mix the barbeque sauce right in.

Anyway, I cooked the crust for about 22 minutes before I topped it. My crust was probably a little thicker than the recipe recommended, but it definitely needed more than ten minutes. Ten minutes would have had me eating a squishy meatza and crapping blood. Neither of which sound like a good time on the weekend, if you ask me.

After I put all of the toppings on the cheese melted down well, but it didn’t brown up quite like I wanted, so I threw the meatza back into the broiler for a couple of minutes.

And then?

BOOM! You, meat, and a pizza… with none of that filler in between. That, my friends, is cooking for men!

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Comments on Cooking for Men – The Meatza! Leave a Comment

February 21, 2012

Hold the phone! This ain’t just dude food!!! LOL.

Isaac @ 2:58 pm #


Ha! It should be EVERYONE food!


June 29, 2012

Kathryn King @ 5:35 pm #

This is the most cholesterol-laden thing I have ever seen. Ever. Just looking at it makes my arteries harden. It is also one of the most hilarious recipes I’ve ever read, which makes me think that you should start a food-for-guys companion blog to “Make It Happen Mondays.”

Isaac @ 5:44 pm #

I support everything you just said!

Sid Malone @ 6:03 pm #

Appalling!! You should really cut the burger 50/50 with ground pork!!

Isaac @ 6:25 pm #

Sid, you are a scholar and a gentleman. Other than there would be a lot of shrinkage (“I was in the pool!”) I think that’s a fantastic idea.

It’s what I did for the Bacon Explosion:

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